Stabbing My Eyes Out

Obviously, a lot of men watch the Super Bowl. And, according to the ads of the Super Bowl, these men like beer. And women. No surprise there. So far, I’ve seen about 25 Budweiser commercials. All involved “drinkability.” Most involved “humor,” or some lame form of it. I know I’m not the target audience, but some of these ads are mildly pathetic. One Budweiser ad featured two men at a ski resort, discussing the definition of drinkability. Chump #1 explains to Chump #2 that drinkability is like skiing smoothly. He points out an expert skier who lands nicely on the ground. Then Chump #1 points out to Chump #2 an inane skier who hits imaginary trees. “That,” he gloats, “is the opposite of drinkability.” I suppose here is where one is supposed to laugh, but instead of a guffaw, this incredible feeling of emptiness overwhelms me. It seeps through my pores like a sinister cloud of toxic twilight, stabbing my heart with sharp shrapnel of sadness. In other words, that commercial was epic lame. And other commercials have not improved this opinion. So, in conclusion, men who like beer, women, and stupid jokes watch and enjoy the Super Bowl. Pretty fascinating stuff. Really, I’m enthralled.